Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
