I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
