Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
