Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
FUCK WHALES
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
