I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
