what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
