in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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