Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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