If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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