You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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