I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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