And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
