Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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