I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
