Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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