yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
