I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
