You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
In America we eat man semen.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
