If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
