my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
