Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
PANTIES FOUND
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