I think I am morally bankrupt
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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