It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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