i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
