that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
