When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
