is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
