I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
