I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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