I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
