He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
