she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
