i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
