Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
