He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
