make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
