I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
