I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
