So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
