I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
