i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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