My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
