So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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