i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
