Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
