I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
In the future we'll all be gay
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
