Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
