He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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