He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
