do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
