glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
