i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
