From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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