this will be a night to untag.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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